Labour of love. I believe when I look back at my aunties
arranged marriages. I questioned them how they can marry a stranger? They told
me 'give and take'. I really solute them but I guess situation like this,
ignorance is a BLISS!!!
Ever asked this Q to yourself?
"DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?"
During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question.
She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?"
I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so
I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?"
In all seriousness, she answered "How do you
know?"
Let me answer this question because the chances are good
that it's weighing on your mind.
Here's the answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell
in love with your spouse / partner . You anticipated their call, wanted their
touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies
(unconventional behavior/habit).
Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it
was a completely natural and spontaneous experience.
You didn't have to DO
anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... Because
it's happening TO YOU .
People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my
feet." Think about the imagery of that __expression. It implies that you
were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and
happened TO YOU .
Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous
experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria (excitement) of
love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely,
phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome
(when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive
you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you
think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the
initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent
stage.
At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking,
"Did I marry the right person?"
And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the
love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else.
This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse
for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment. Extramarital
fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious.
But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship,
excessive TV, or abusive substances.
But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it.
I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone
else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd
feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):
THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT
PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON
YOU FOUND.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience.
It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You
have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the
__expression "the labor of love."
Because it takes time, effort and
energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to
make your marriage work.
Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are
specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your
marriage.
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as
gravity), there are also laws for relationships.
Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you
physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your
marriage stronger.
It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the
laws, the results are predictable... you can "make" love.
Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not
just a feeling.
Remember this always :
"God determines who walks into your life. It is up to
you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to
let go."
