Time does heal...

I put my dog to rest yesterday morning.

I've dealt with death and losses enough times, including my own mom.  Recently with the kittens followed by the sudden disappearance of the elder cats. When Phoebe was hit by a severe case of tick infestation, I suspected that she may not live long.  She has been losing weight, aging and had skin complications, etc.  The vet was positive though since she was still eating.

Her condition took a bad turn when I saw her in the morning.  She couldn't even hold and control her head.  I knew it's time to let her go. I petted her several times..told her that it's alright to go.  It took her quite long.  It was a painful wait.   I thought I was ready.  My dad helped to prepare a place to bury her.  I broke down....when I saw the hole.  I didn't think I will, but I did.  It was even more traumatizing when I had to place her in there. I totally lost it.

I wasn't sure how I was going to get through the day or even the rest of my life when all I kept thinking about was how she looked like it when I placed her in there.  This is probably why they created coffins.  To prevent us from this traumatizing sight.


Time does heal.  The first few hours was bad. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't talk to anyone so I just stayed at home...wondering if there was more I could do.  May be I should have brought her to the vet  one more time, etc.  Conveniently, I turned to the internet...reading up on related topics..


...how to cope with pet loss
..how to cope with feeling of guilt after a pet loss
..how to know if its time to let a pet go..


That's when I stumbled upon The Rainbow Bridge, it made me feel better.

When I felt ready, I picked myself up to go over to my sis but she wasn't around..so I went to have lunch alone.  Came back, did some work.  Evening, stopped over at my sis again before heading to the gym.

Had a bit of problem falling asleep..but I did eventually.

And there..I got past the day.


I just have to keep pushing away unhappy thoughts and instead think about how happy she is now at the Rainbow Bridge.


Will I get another dog?  As of yesterday..it was a No.

As of yesterday...I didn't want to have any attachments, feeling to anything or anyone since it's so painful to lose something, someone that you love.
That's a dangerous state to fall into..I think that's where depression comes in.


As of today,...it's a Maybe.  May be I 'll take in a cute little house dog....one day.  Once an animal lover..always be an animal lover.