Father's Day

I've been on a sleeping marathon lately.  I was knocked out before eleven last night.. slept until I don't know what day it was.  It's probably the TCM treatments (which were way overdue) helping to make sure I get proper rest ..no more abuses ..hehe.  Speaking of that..I've forgotten to take the meds today. Too lazy to go down and take now.

Anyway... I 've been trying to write something related to Father's Day, triggered by status updates and notes in FB...as usual...FB has become such an influence in our life be it hobbies, interests, politics, charity, even mood...

So,.my mood is now somewhat emo ...actually I've been trying to write this since morning, couldn't get around to do so ..peacefully.  Been in and out and around house..only settled down to tend to my thoughts now. It's 11.30pm.

Okie..it's Father's Day. again.

My life took a 180 degrees turn when mom passed away 13 years ago.  In fact things started to change quite drastically the moment the deadly big C was diagnosed.  I stayed home a lot (relative to a typical young person), doing my bit to help out around the house etc.  Well, I did go out but I remember that I would always feel guilty when I stayed out too long.

Even after mom's passing ...for many years I felt that I should spend more time with dad...not that he needed my company..I don't really know if he needed my company..but I think it's more of me afraid not having enough time with him...in case he leaves ..just like mom.  

So..it's been like that for many years..until recently..few years back it suddenly dawn on me that..years and years had gone past .... I need to find my own life.  He..will leave regardless..may be today, tomorrow, next year or next ten or twenty years, no one knows when.  What am I to do when he is finally gone?  While I should make sure he is not neglected..I need to move on too. .what if it is in 30 years time. Then I'd be too old to move on with life.

I decided to strike a balance.  I was even ready to move to another country if the opportunities come my way.  Opportunities did not come..so I'm still here :)  but my life did change a little.  

Nowadays, I'm not too particular about going back for dinner everyday ..so I have more me time doing things I like doing.  I'm not too particular about staying at home to cook on weekends ...it's easier to go out and eat after all it's only two of us.  This way I have more me time :) too.  Haha.

Anyway..I'm still adjusting..trying to strike a better balance.  I will never know what and how is the perfect balance.  I don't wanna think about it too much.  Just follow the heart.  When I feel like being home I will do so.  If I need some space ..I will stay out longer.  So far so good ..I am doing ok.  

I do notice that he is tad bit more cheerful when I'm home early...I understand..who likes to be home alone all day.  I will try harder....but then..sigh.

A few of my friends lost their mom or dad over the past years.  I've lost count how many times I attended wakes.  In fact I just attended one last Monday.  A friends' father passed away suddenly.  Just a week before he was telling me that his dad is doing ok despite being weak after suffering a stroke many years ago.

So..it's really unpredictable.  No warning. No signals.  What can we do?  Make sure you don't have any  regrets when the time comes.  Don't wait till it's too late to do whatever you wanna do with your loved ones.

Hmm...will I have any regrets? 

To be honest...

no matter what...it will always be painful when a loved one leaves..

So..I really don't know what we can do now ...

Follow your heart. That's the best guide..I guess.

Sigh..that's life.

Was at Deutsches Gasthaus to celebrate this year's Father's Day.  I think ...I prefer Brussels.

Oh ya...we don't have to wait till a 'Day' to show our appreciation ya...

Ok...enough said...here are some food pix from dinner .
Not very clear because of the lighting.